Issue 035

The mother question: why I ask about your mother before your diet

Yvette Rose · 7 min read

Before I open your lab folder and before I ask what you eat, I ask about your mother. When did she go through menopause. Did she have a thyroid problem. Did diabetes or heart disease show up in her or her parents. How did she eat, and what did she do when she was overwhelmed. People expect a food question. The mother question tells me more, because it holds 2 different kinds of information at once, and almost everything we end up working on sits in one of the 2.

2 things you got from her, and they are not the same

What you inherited from your mother is biology. The age her ovaries slowed down, the thyroid the immune system went after, the way her body handled sugar, the cholesterol that was high at 30 on a careful diet. That came with the genes, and it needs tests, timing and the right doctor.

What you were raised in is pattern. Whether breakfast was eaten or skipped. Whether food was a reward, a punishment, or something to feel guilty about. Whether stress got a walk, a glass of wine or a closed door. That came with the house, and it needs practice.

Family history is biology. Family pattern is behavior. They are 2 different problems that need 2 different tools, and most people have been handed one tool for both. That is why the diet that worked for your friend did nothing for you.

The biology: what her body tells me about yours

Her menopause is the first thing I ask about, and it is the question most women have never been asked. The age a mother reached menopause is a useful guide to when her daughter will, though not an exact one. Studies put the inherited share at roughly half. If your mother was done by 45, you want to know that at 32 while you are still deciding things, and your doctor should know it before anyone calls your symptoms at 41 too early.

Her thyroid is next. The autoimmune form of thyroid disease runs strongly in families and hits women 4 to 10 times more often than men. If your mother or her sister has it, your thyroid antibodies are worth one look even while your TSH sits inside the range. Issue 034 is about the pattern that goes with it.

Her blood sugar is next. If one parent has type 2 diabetes, your odds are about 3 times higher than if neither does, and about 6 times higher if both do. Across the US, about 4 in 10 adults will be diagnosed in their lifetime, so family history adds to a risk that is already high. Fasting glucose can look fine for years. Insulin sensitivity starts to slip earlier, and Issue 012 explains why. PCOS sits in this family too, at around 70 percent heritable, and a mother who was never diagnosed often had it anyway.

Her heart and her cholesterol. A parent whose LDL was high in their 20s on a careful diet can carry familial hypercholesterolemia, which affects around 1 in 250 people and gets called a diet failure for decades. A heart attack or stroke in a father or brother before 55, or a mother or sister before 65, changes what your lipid panel should include.

Men, this is your page too. Your mother's thyroid and diabetes are yours. Ask about both parents, because the iron overload condition, hemochromatosis, is common in people of northern European descent, shows up mostly in men, and reads on the panel as liver enzymes creeping up with a ferritin that is high instead of low. Issue 014 covers the liver enzymes.

The pattern: what the house taught you

How your mother ate is the pattern you are most likely running now, whether you copied it or built your life against it. Daughters of mothers who dieted and talked about weight are more likely to diet and to dislike their bodies, and one 5 year study found sons of these mothers were more likely to be trying to lose weight too. A woman who watched her mother skip breakfast and eat standing at the counter will do the same at 45 and call it being busy. A man whose father ate in silence in front of the television eats there too.

How she handled stress is the next pattern. The nervous system learns its settings young. If the house ran on alarm, your body learned that alarm was normal, and a body that treats ordinary life as an emergency does what Issue 019 describes to your bloodwork. If the house went quiet and nobody spoke about what was wrong, you may have learned not to feel the signal at all, which is how people arrive with a folder full of flags and no idea anything was wrong.

How she talked about her own body is the last one. Whether she said the word menopause out loud or went through it in silence. That is the script you reach for when your own body starts to change, and most people reach for it without noticing it was handed to them.

One caveat, and I mean it. If the food questions stir up a history of restricting, bingeing or purging, that is not coaching work. It belongs with a clinician trained in eating disorders, and I will say so and refer you.

Why I ask in that order

The 2 problems fail in opposite ways when you mix them up.

Treat an inherited thyroid or insulin problem as a discipline problem and you will diet harder, train harder, blame yourself harder, and the numbers will not move, because they were never about effort. Treat a learned pattern of skipping meals and running on alarm as biology and you will wait for a test and a pill that do not exist.

Most people I see have both. Sorting which is which, before we touch a single meal, is the first session. I am a teacher, not a mother. I am here to show you what you were handed and which parts you can put down.

You inherited her biology and you were raised in her pattern. Only one of those is yours to keep.

Where the chart comes in, lightly

I am a certified Hellenistic astrologer, and the old texts put the mother and the body under the same light, the Moon. I use the chart as a map of timing, to see when a pattern tends to come back and when a stretch is likely to ask more of the body. I never use it as a diagnosis. The chart has never once told me anyone's ferritin. The lab folder does that, and the mother question tells me which pages to read first.

What I ask people to get

Write down a family history, both sides, 3 generations. Age of menopause for your mother and grandmothers. Thyroid disease. Diabetes and the age it was found. Heart attack or stroke before 55 in men or 65 in women. Cancers. Autoimmune conditions. Iron problems in either direction. Keep it in the folder with your labs.

Ask your mother for her own numbers if she has them and will share them. Her results at your age are a preview.

Get thyroid antibodies with the full thyroid panel if thyroid disease is in the family. Get fasting insulin with fasting glucose if diabetes is. Get a full lipid panel, and ask about Lp(a) once, if heart disease came early in a parent. Get ferritin with a full iron panel if iron problems run on either side.

Then write down 3 things from the house. How breakfast was handled. What stress looked like. What was said about bodies. Those 3 lines are usually the plan.

When to push harder with your doctor

Go back, and be direct, if your mother went through menopause before 45 and your own cycle has started to change, because that is a conversation about timing and about options, including hormone therapy, which is the most effective treatment for hot flashes and belongs with a menopause trained doctor. Ask for thyroid antibodies by name if thyroid disease runs in the family and you have symptoms with a normal TSH. Ask for fasting insulin if a parent has diabetes and you have only ever had glucose. Ask about Lp(a) if heart disease came early in the family. Ask for a genetics referral if breast or ovarian cancer runs on either side. If you are pregnant or planning to be, say the family thyroid and diabetes history at the first visit. I am not a doctor and I do not diagnose. I read your folder next to your family and your life, and when it needs clinical care I say so and I send you.

FAQ

Does the age your mother went through menopause predict yours?

It is a useful guide, and studies put the inherited share at roughly half. It is a tendency, not a date. Smoking, surgery and some treatments move it earlier. Ask her, write it down, and give the number to your doctor.

Is hypothyroidism hereditary?

The autoimmune form, which is the most common cause, runs strongly in families. If a parent or sibling has it, ask for TPO antibodies with your full thyroid panel, even if your TSH is inside the range.

If my mother has type 2 diabetes, will I get it?

It raises your risk, to about 3 times the odds of someone with no parent affected, and about 6 times if both parents have it. It is a risk, not a sentence. Ask for fasting insulin alongside glucose, because insulin moves years earlier, and that is the window where food, muscle and sleep change the outcome.

What is the difference between family history and family pattern?

Family history is biology, what came with your genes. Family pattern is behavior, the way food, stress and bodies were handled in the house you grew up in. They need 2 different fixes, and most people have been treating both with willpower.

Why does a health coach ask about my mother?

Because the answer sorts the work. Her history tells me which tests to ask for and which doctor to send you to. Her pattern tells me which habits you are running without knowing it. I am a teacher, not a mother.

In good health,
Yvette Rose

Sources

This is general wellness education and not medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Talk to a qualified professional, especially if you are pregnant, nursing, taking medication or managing a condition.

It all starts in the gut.